Tuesday, February 19, 2013


Obviously regular blogging is not my forte, but I wanted to let you guys (the blogger family) in on some things in my life. I was inspired by Natalie, so here is a list:

  • My mom is getting married in May
  • My dad is selling his house (soon?)
  • I'm playing Quidditch now and I suck so much but it's still really fun
  • I had a birthday
  • I cracked my iPhone screen into lots of pieces so that I would have a use for my birthday money
  • I saw a guy on tumblr get the Taco Bell "Live Mas" motto tattooed on his arm
And now the heavy stuff. My girlfriend and I have been broken up for just over two weeks and it continues to be a roller coaster of emotion every single day. I was getting to the point where I liked where we were and I liked texting every couple of days, but we talked on the phone for the first time in two weeks and ended up crying. Every time a conversation lasts too long, we break up all over again and it's killing me. I broke up with her so that I could enjoy my time at college and figure out some important things about myself (especially inevitably changing my major) and I was doing okay with that at first. But this being friends to not speaking to being somewhere in the grey thing is really getting too hard on me. I called my mom after that phone call and said that I didn't feel like I had made the right choice and that I should take her back, but I'm still single. I have to move on to heal, but I want to be with her and it's hard to know that the things that I want to change about our relationship won't change. I can't fold a map and bring her closer to me and I can't make her parents accept who she is and who I am. I love her with my whole heart, but I know I did this and she makes sure that I know that. I don't want to lose my best friend and even though it's temporary in my mind and I do believe that I'll want to be with her in the future, right now I have to let go completely and I am just having a hard time.

When I can step out of my sadness for a moment, there are things I want to do to be a better person. Say yes more often. Read books. Take care of myself. Make new friends. Take risks. Be alright without another person. So I'm taking deep breaths and small steps. 

P.S. If you haven't seen this video, it was truly touching.